Never mistake toxic liquid with eye drops

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Hay fever usually just gets me really down in the dumps, but this year it actually gave me a fit – of laughter.

Constantly itchy and watery eyes, bouts of sneezing and regular nose blowing are the main protagonists that afflict me when the pollen count is high on sunny days – not that we get too many of them in this country sadly.

I had a couple of weeks of this when I was on holiday this month, however bottles of wine and pints of cider cured me most of the time on top of my daily dose of antihistamines.

The tablets usually work, but not always, so I have to top up with other remedies like eye drops which help out for small periods before I have to tilt my head back like I’m catching flies and stream more liquid in my sockets.

We had a week in Berwick in a caravan at the holiday centre then returned on the same day we were hosting a house-warming party for my girlfriend’s pals, one of whom also suffers from the pesky ailment.

The night was going really well, everyone getting on, chatting, praising my cooking and laughing at my really funny jokes and stories while the rabble rose as hours passed. A few songs slipped in as well.

Quite early in the proceedings, the girl with hay fever, Lynne, asked my better half if the small bottle on the table was eye drops. In her eagerness to be helpful (and being slightly tipsy) Karen said “yes, here have some!” and thrusted the bottle into the unsuspecting girl’s hands, but a short squeeze later she was crying out in pain.

Karen had only given her the juice for my e-cigarette instead of the eye drops leaving the poor lass with eyes like Keith Richards after a seven-day bender.

There were plenty of watery eyes after that.