Ninja nightmares on the road

Drew McAdam pic, Gazette columnist
Drew McAdam pic, Gazette columnist
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Introducing our new columnist, Drew McAdam

NOT so long ago, I was invited to answer a series of fun and informative questions for this newspaper. One of the questions was: “What would you do if you were invisible?”

The possibilities are endless. And then I realised the one thing I would definitely do is take great care when crossing the road. Let’s face it, being invisible and wandering around on a busy road would be – to put it mildly – stupid.

So, just how concrete-wall-thick does that make the increasing number of Ninja Cyclists on our streets? What I’m talking about are the black-clad lunatics you see – or more accurately don’t see – who weave and crisscross through nighttime traffic on black bicycles with no lights. I mean, they must have a death wish to do that.

One of my Facebook friends wrote that she had come within inches of KO’ing three of these twits in the space of one dark Edinburgh night. Although, how she knew it was three different ones, and not just the same bloke, I’m not sure. I mean, they all look the same. Shadows. Black cats lost in coal mines on a dark night. Invisible.

Becoming a Ninja Cyclist is easy. Black trackie bottoms and a black hooded top. Then perch yourself on a bike with no illumination whatsoever, and push yourself out into the main traffic stream. Doesn’t take a lot of skill, really.

But who’s going to get into a whole world of trouble if you actually run one of these clowns down? Well, you, of course.

Maybe they should bring in a law allowing anybody who happens across a Ninja Cyclist to spray them with aviation fuel, set them on fire, and shove them on their way.

Lots of light and noise… We would certainly know exactly where they were.