Hitting the wrong notes is problem

“Have you heard mum,” she said, “they’re making a new TV show – and they’re looking people who can’t sing!”

This was mentioned on the back of my comments about X Factor being on television again and the number of people who turn up for auditions thinking they are the stars of tomorrow.

Me, however, I’m under no illusions of my musical ability.

I’m tone deaf.

Always have been and until now was convinced I always would be.

But here Emma offering me a glimmer of hope.

“I read about it. Apparently they are going to give you singing lessons from a top voice coach and turn the worst singers into the best.”

My hopes were suddenly raised.

Perhaps the totally charming and very pleasing on the eye Gareth Malone might be involved?

Further investigation revealed the aforesaid Mr Malone would not be part of this show.

But all was not lost. The producers of Change Your Tune are offering to turn the nation’s worst singers into the best, so it had to be someone with more than a bit of musical ability to carry out that gargantuan task.

Could they even make me hold a tune?

It’s something I’ve always longed to be able to do.

From my youngest days I was always overlooked when they were selecting people for the school choir. I could never understand – until my dad was given a cassette recorder (ask your granny what that was) and all was finally explained.

I sounded like a screeching cat! No really, I don’t exaggerate. There was nothing tuneful about my attempts at singing – not even my rendition of Happy Birthday would be in tune.

Watching people sing, I’m always amazed at how effortless they make it look – even when they’re belting it out from the bottom of their boots, they open their mouths and this fabulous sound comes out.

Then of course there are those who turn up for an X Factor audition and not only Simon Cowell and fellow judges are left open mouthed at how bad they are but the rest of the nation too.

Which makes me think, what would people say if they heard me sing on TV?

Probably not a lot, in fact they would probably say about me what I’ve said about others.

Think I’ll save my musical moments for when I’m in the bath – there’s certainly no one around then to complain!